1. One whose conversations is not always about sex

2. One who even when he talks about sex, he talks about it in a special way, not
like a pervert and flirting with other ladies

3. One who doesn’t brag about his achievements

4. One who keeps looking for her and showing interest in her

5. One who lets her speak and doesn’t silence her voice, not always about what he has to say

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Yes, I have said it. I love you and I am proud to tell you that. One of the things I need you to learn as a man: Do not be afraid to show and express love; for without love, your masculinity has no value.

You are not your physical body, inside you is a human spirit that defines you; let’s call him your inner man. As you go to the gym, eat right and work on your physique; remember to pay even more focus to your inner man. Your inner man determines the caliber of man you will be. A neglected inner man in a grown man’s body, is of little value.

Your inner man needs God. Do not be like me, finding God in my old age after years of rebellion wandering in the desert. Seek God while young, while He can be found. The truth is, almost every man starts to think deeper about God when old age check in and the realization of how fragile life is hits hard. Don’t do the right thing so late in life.

My son, do not be like me. I have made many mistakes that costed me. A number of decisions I regret to date. Like many in my generation, I didn’t have a father figure who held my hand so I had to learn by trial and error. In my hit and miss, I have hurt many, I have caused the shedding of tears. Many men in our generation mess up because our fathers messed up being absent, setting a bad example, rejecting their own children, failing to lead their family or thinking that being a father is merely paying bills and providing material things.

My son, I will not let you be like me. Be better than me. Learn from my scars, stand on my shoulders and go further, allow me to mentor you. Let me teach you what to do, let me teach you what not to do, let me teach you character, how to love a woman, how to work hard and smart, how to pray, how to find yourself, how to be a father, how to run a business, how to handle money, how to tame your manly ego. A man has immense strength that can either be wasted and misused; or channeled to create prosperity and value.

I will pour myself in you. Do not start from scratch yet I am around. Let me be your life coach. I intend to leave my inheritance for my children’s children; an inheritance that is not just about financial wealth, but also spiritual, emotional and intellectual wealth. Love wisdom, always challenge yourself.

My son, I struggled in life so that you shouldn’t. And what I impart in you, please share it to the men who come after you. Let it be that from me going down the family tree, the men in our family will be men of substance.

Men have largely let society down; they abandon their families, start wars, perpetuate corruption, steal, beat up their wives, rape and have been the source of much pain. But no, not in our family. The men in our family will forces of good.

May you carry my name with pride and honor.

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There is nothing as annoying and frustrating as dating or being married to someone who is unsure about what they want with you: at one point the person loves on you, then another point the person makes you feel unwanted saying you two can’t be a couple; the person pushes you away, then when you do go away the person wants you back; the person tells you it’s over, then suddenly the person calls you to come over; the person wants to stay married to you, but still act single; the person switches from “I love you” to “I hate you” in seconds; the person makes you feel so good, then abruptly becomes disloyal and dismissive.

It’s worse when you have a child/children with such a confused individual.

This roller coaster of breaking up and making up is a nuisance.
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When you are single, you look forward to marriage so that you can get all the sex that comes with no guilt. You want to give your body to the right one, you keep off the hyenas who only want your sex and leave you hurting.

When you are dating, sex talk is exciting with your partner. You tell your partner, “Wait till we’re married; I will sex you real good till you scream”
When you’re newly married, sex is an instant activity, you spank each other, sex in every corner, experiment every position, gymnastics in bed.

When you two are starting to get deeper in marriage, and the sex becomes less frequent, you start to wonder if you love each other the same.

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You me,
Let’s get naughty.
Let’s make it hot.
Let’s have an affair.

Give me a secret name,
I’ll give you yours.
Put on your new dress,
I’ve discovered a new place we can go.

Stare at me when in a crowd,
Wink at me for my eyes to see.
Tease me with your laughter, warmth and smile,
Melt me with your words, care and style.

Conspire with my friends.
Leave a me note under my pillow.
Call me out of the blue.
Whisper sweet words no other is supposed to have a clue.

In secret,
Make me a gift.
Play some romantic music,
Let’s dance just us two.

Break away
From your usual routine.
Meet me there,
Where the grass is green.
Squeeze my hand,

As we walk in the breeze.
Run away,
Let me catch you if I can.
Let’s get a password,
They don’t need to know our kinky business.

Cherish our escapades,
Under lock and key.
Don’t answer your calls,
Let’s keep it private, innocent and sweet.

Let’s feel like we felt when we first loved,
Though for years, we have loved each other.
Let’s not be like other couples,
Boring, dull and dry.

Let’s keep discovering,
What adventures love can find.
Let’s have a lifelong love affair,
That’s why I chose you to be my wife.

Just to spice things up,
I’m having an affair with my wife.
Don’t charm a new woman,
Old is gold, stick to the wife you know.
Don’t woo a new flame, fire the flame you have.
Keep pursuing the one wife you have.

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“We need to talk” he texted his wife.
She wondered what was wrong, men rarely use that “We need to talk” line.
“Is everything alright?” she asked.
“Let’s talk when we get home” he texted back.
“You’re scaring me” she replied.
“Is there something you should be scared of?” he texted her.
She called his phone, he didn’t pick up.
She got home after work, anxious.
She stretched her hand to open the door, the door opened before her. Her husband opened the door.
She looked at him dressed in linen, wearing his smile.
Soft music was playing, the house was warm, it felt pregnant with romance.
“Hi love, welcome home” he said as he kissed her lips.
She stood there at the door surprised.
He took her handbad and placed it on the seat.
He closed the door behind her, knelt down to help her remove her heels.
All she could do was smile. Something about a woman being served brightens up her face no matter how busy her day has been.
He gently placed her heels next to the door.
He removed her coat, placed it on the sofa, he unbuttoned her blouse.
“The kids!?” she said.
“The kids are at their grandma. Sleeping over at my mom’s”
He took her hand and led her to the sofa.
He made her recline on the sofa.
He placed a towel that stood at the table on his lap, placed her feet on his lap, took a warm towel that was in a basin next to the sofa and wiped her feet.
She looked at him giggling covering her face.
“I love you” he said.
She felt those three words go through her entire body.
“I love you too” she said smiling.
“You said we need to talk?” she asked.
“Yes, tell me how your day has been, how is your heart, how are you?” he asked.
“You mean there is nothing wrong?” she asked.
“No, there is everything right. You are the right woman for me. I just wanted to talk with my wife. I miss you, I really miss you. Even though we sleep on the same bed, it feels like we don’t really talk” said he.
A message came on her phone that she was holding, a Facebook message alert.
He took her phone and threw it on the next sofa.
He said, “Today my love, no Facebook, no TV, no children, no cooking”
“No cooking?” she asked.
“Yes, I ordered take away. It’s in the kitchen” he answered.
“Wow! You had this all figured out” said she.
“Darling, I strategize at work to get profits, surely, I can strategize to please my wife” he said.
She relaxed on the sofa.
“Your hairline is receding” she said.
He looked at her.
“You mean married life has been so busy I haven’t had time to look at your face in such a long time; I mean really look at your face. You are quite a handsome man” said she.
“You know how to pick them huh? You got taste in men” he teased her.
She paused and looked at the man she loves as he rubbed her feet.

She told him how her day has been, they shared thoughts, they laughed, they reminisced, she opened up about a painful part in her life and teared up, he opened up about his frustrations as a man… they prayed. Some things about your spouse you will never know until you two create ample time to talk.

He served her dinner, they ate remembering their dating season, there was a spark in their eyes, they went to shower together, washing each other’s body, he saw the spot where she burnt her skin while cooking three weeks ago and kissed that spot.

They turned off the music and the lights, they got to bed and had an intimate pillow talk. There they told each other how much they love each other. They cuddled, their toes danced together. He talked to her until she fell asleep. He kissed her forehead, watched her sleep then he rested too. No making love because all he had done was not some sweet acts to get sex but because he wanted to connect with her much deeper. So many women feel that a man only puts his best effort when he wants sex.

In the morning, there was a glow about her. She looked like a loved up woman. He had missed watering her heart with love, “I need to do this more” he thought to himself.

Maybe all your marriage needs is for you two to talk; not sex, not arguments, not complains… just talk.

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He woke up in the middle of the night and found his wife sleeping next to him in bed.
He looked at her, she looked peaceful.
Yesterday, they didn’t make love despite them sleeping naked. But it is not a big deal.
It’s not that he doesn’t find her sexy; it’s just that they have outgrown sex.
They have reached that place in their marriage where sex is not a must have each night. They have reached a deeper level of intimacy.
A deeper level of intimacy where just holding each other close as their skin touch and converse brings pleasure to the soul. Yes, they have graduated from pleasure of the body, to pleasure of the soul.
Some nights they make passionate love, they sweat it out as he goes inside and pumps through her wetness. But other times they talk, laugh, chill and listen to music, smile, share the same air then sleep.
He looked at her.
She turned in her sleep.
He covered her revealed shoulder with the duvet.
She looked so comfortable.
He thought of the many men out there who are destroying their own marriages chasing after sex with other women. This world has billions of women; that means billions of butts, boobs and vagina. He is too mature to chase after other women, he has his Queen right next to him and no woman compares to her.
He wondered, what is the big deal about sex that makes people destroy their own homes for a few minutes of body pleasure. He thought of how our generation has made a big deal out of orgasms no matter how the orgasm is got; that we have forgotten the depth of love.
There is something higher than orgasms at any cost; there is love.
There is an unspeakable joy that comes with knowing you are faithful to your spouse. There is indescribable pleasure that comes with not just making sweet love to your spouse, but also being faithful to your spouse. There are people in this world who live for more than sex, those are the kind who are faithful in their marriages. The true test of an adult is when he or she masters sex and not sex being their master.
He looked at his beautiful wife sleeping and thought, she is more than a sexy body; she is his wife, his companion, his best friend, his confidant, his prayer partner, his co-worshiper, his Queen.
He kissed her on the forehead.
She opened her eyes to find him looking at her.
“I love you” he said.
She snuggled up inside his arms and said, “I love you too”
He stroked her soft skin as she fell deeper into sleep. He dozed off too – a couple that holds sexual intimacy as something special; a couple that has graduated from the pressure, complication and confusion of sex.
A healthy sex life doesn’t mean that sex must happen every day, every time. But that sex is part of intimacy and a blessing through faithfulness; that sex is something that comes with no pressure, something peaceful.
There is so much to love beyond sex.
Love your spouse through sex and beyond sex.

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When your eyes open in the morning
And you look deep into my soul in the new day

You make me want to kiss you
When you lie naked with me in bed
Your beauty the best secret kept

You make me want to kiss you
When you cover me in prayer
In God’s throne I find you there

You make me want to kiss you
When I watch you walk to the shower
And come back and lean on my shoulder

You make me want to kiss you
When you spank me on my behind
And creep on me from behind

You make me want to kiss you
When you tease me with your naughtiness
Turn me on to the highest

You make me want to kiss you
When you wear that beautiful outfit
And your wonder lies skin deep

You make me want to kiss you
When you talk too much
And I want to shut you up

You make me want to kiss you
When I see how great a mother you are to our kids
And you govern our home so wonderfully like this

You make me to kiss you
When you cuddle up so close to me
And your jokes tickle me

You make me want to kiss you
When we’re silly acting like clowns
And you chase away my frown

You make me want to kiss you
When we do chores together
You clean and I put things in the counter

You make me want to kiss you
When you talk with such wisdom
And debate me with such deep understanding

You make me want to kiss you
When you open up to me and reveal your tears
When you give me a chance to destroy your fears

You make me want to kiss you
When I watch you shine in public
And I see how many lives you touch deep

You make me want to kiss you
When we’re out on a date and your eyes shimmer
When you smile and talk playing with my fingers

You make me want to kiss you
When you retire with me in bed
And on the pillow we lie head to head

You make me want to kiss you
I crown my love for you with sweet kisses
Something about the woman you are
Makes my lips have frequent meetings with yours

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He is the man who showed her he is interested in her for more than just sex; that made her pay attention to not only her body but other parts of herself… he not only prays for her, he prays with her; the man who makes an effort to not just find out her dreams, but willfully support her without even her asking… he’s made her mindful of the words she speaks; slowly, she’s found herself cursing less and toning down on negative talk.

Every time she is down, he paints for her a vision of a bright future, fueling hope in her… he’s pushed her to live out her dreams, to stop procrastinating and act… he is sensitive enough to alert her when he is about to have a busy schedule so that she understands his silence is not because he doesn’t want to talk with her… he keeps his promises and when he does wrong, he is quick to apologize.

He makes her feel needed, desired, respected, thought of; she has no need to put up guarding walls because her heart he protects.. he is a man who challenges her and most of all, a man who lets her challenge him and love him too… as she looks back, she sees that in her spending time with him, she has let go of some childish, immature things; she’s grown into a woman, from a woman into a great woman… they have both grown and sharpened each other.

This is the reason why she will never let him go, she knows she found a good man; and that good man, treats her well because he knows she is his treasure.

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This is to the gentlemen who think that a woman’s role is confined in the home or she is destined to be a house wife and nothing more, that marriage and motherhood should mean the death of her dreams, that all she should talk about is diapers, cooking and domestic affairs.

This is to the gentlemen who are intimidated by a woman’s success or are not comfortable with seeing women succeed. Those who see a woman doing better is a threat and see the advancement of women as destructive.

The primary role of both man and woman is found in the Bible…
~ God blessed THEM (man and woman) and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Genesis 1: 28

That means the woman has her place in the marketplace, in governance, in innovation, in ruling, in leadership, in business and also in shaping the future of God’s creation just like the man.

It is in a patriarchal culture that we want to reduce the role of the woman to just being a wife and a mother in home making. Her God given potential is way beyond that. Culture can be disregarded if it is discriminative and retrogressive.

So as you expect your wife to help you to achieve your dreams, as you expect her to handle the home so that you chase after money for the provision of family; you too be active in the home, give her peace of mind, and help her in achieving her dreams and purpose, she is a provider too. Don’t you know that two are better than one?

She was created for more than sex, beauty, birth giving and motherhood. She is educated, empowered and experienced to do more than home making. Do not let it be that her ambitions took a back seat the moment she said “I do” to you. If you do not know your woman’s/wife’s dreams, ask her tonight. Be the man who walked with her to all she was created to be.
Let us look at a woman as God looks at her, not the way we want to see her through our misogynistic eyes.

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